Emily versus the sewing machine

So Emily decided to try and teach a friend of ours how to sew. Caitlin was so worried that she was going to get stabbed by the needle that Emily decided to demonstrate that it was impossible. (foreshadowing!)

A few minutes later I hear, Ow!!! You guessed it! Not only did she stab her finger, but she broke the needle. The image below is the Bumper Sticker that Caitlin created to commemorate the event!

You know there will be more, so stayed tuned!

Almost the end of my first trimester and feeling the energy come back. Wanna know how I can feel it? I can now take an entire shower without needing a nap...no, seriously!

Crazy Facebook Time!

The commercial in which the woman vacuums up the Scrabble tiles pisses me off. Like, really pisses me off. I don't know why...God, I hate her!

A Serious Post

I know that this blog was created to be a humorous look at the ridiculous things my pregnant wife says, but I would like to promote an event I will be taking part in during the month of October.

In April, I lost a very good friend to suicide, and in his memory my friends decided to do the Out of the Darkness Walk for Suicide Prevention. If you would like to support a great non-profit cause (i.e. tax deductible donation) please use the link below. I appreciate it. Almost everyone knows someone who has been affected by suicide. Please be generous.

Thanks,
Lenny


http://afsp.donordrive.com/participant/ladamsct01

More from Wal-Mart!

There was this girl dressed like a total slut in front of us eating a can of nuts she had yet to purchase. I looked at Em, and knew there were things flying around inside her head. I kept my mouth shut until this little beauty popped out of her mouth!

"You know...dressed like that, she has probably had a lot of nuts in her mouth! Does she really think that is an appropriate outfit to go out shopping in? She's probably working right now! That skirt is too f***ing short, the shirt is too "see through" and that pimp hat is just plain wrong! GOD she's like a Jersey Shore nightmare!!!"

Like I thought that girl would ever get away! Thank God she was not in hearing range when that flew out of Em's mouth!

Em's Emergency Trip to Wal-Mart!

We needed a few things, and being 9pm on a Sunday, Wal-Mart was our only option. So I decided that I wanted to go by myself...like that was going to work.

I got on the highway, and looked at the traffic. I made it about 2 miles away from the house, turned around, and knew Em needed to come. The people driving were so stupidly this evening that I knew there might be a need for some "coconut throwing!" I called Em up, and told her I was turning around, and she may need a coconut.

When I pulled into the driveway, there she was holding a bag of something. We drive about a block away, and I asked, "What's in the bag?"  She had a few rock hard English Muffins, and some other foods she cannot eat. I told her, "Em, you can't throw yogurt at people from a moving car. People could get hurt!" She responds, "Oh yeah, huh?!"

When we left, I needed a cup of coffee, and she says she's hungry...huge shock there!
Em: "Oooooo! I was supreme food stuffs!"
Me: "Huh?"
Em: "I want food that has supreme in the name!"
Me: "Soooo, Taco Bell?"
Em: "No...I want a bagel with strawberry cream cheese!!!!!"

There are so many days that I'm shocked at the crazy things that come out of her mouth.

Do you see why lfe is so wierd...

Twilight is like soccer. They run around for 2 hours, nobody scores and a billion fans insist that you just don't understand.

My wife bi+ches about Facebook

GOD! People on here are so boring today! I wanna start yelling at them all telling them that they need to be more interesting!

You know what should be made??? A giant cracker! Me:Ok why? Em: So they can cover it in cream cheese and I can just take bites.

The now infamous coconut joke!

As Emily and I were driving to the mall in search of stuff I didn't really need, but wanted to update, this came plying out of her mouth!

"You are pissing me OFF!!!! You are so lucky I don't have a coconut!!!"

Of course not having pregnancy brain I was weary of questioning her, but thought I needed to know what the hell she was talking about.

She told me that it would be her weapon of choice for the car, or any time people pissed her off. When I asked her why a coconut she replied, "I think it'd make a nice sound when it hits them in the head or hits their car!" Clearly this is the woman who should be allowed to drive while pregnant! I think not!

Is egg salad and ketchup disgusting? I don't know normal eating anymore.

You're welcome, SKANK!

At Walmart with Mat. May need bail money. Bad parents with toddlers. One just got smacked across the face and is screaming bloody hell. This may not end well...

I do not like being called preggers or preggo... PREGO IS A SPAGHETTI SAUCE!!!

Oh no...I love you, but the baby hates you!!!

Miscellaneous Sayings from Relay For Life - 2010

"Why do those balloons light up? Why are they magical?!"

"You can't fight cancer unless you're stinky. Its a fact. Look it up on Wikipedia."

 

While holding blinking lights in her lap..."Oh no! It looks like my crotch is under construction!"

Guy banging on the table...I wanna cut off his hands. With a BUTTERKNIFE!!!!

The newest Facebook post!

To all those itching to piss me off in the next seven months, just a warning: pregnant women have been acquitted of murder because we have no control over our hormones. Have a nice day!

Hey bitch!! I'm pregnant, and you're still fatter than I am!!

This is a sample of things she says...In case you ever wanted to know, an inhaler does not work as an air freshener in a fix.

You Asked For It...Now Here It Is!

My wife and I recently found out that she is pregnant with our first child, and I kept threatening her with a blog quoting the ridiculous things she says. Most would find this utterly insensitive, but she just looks at me now and laughs. "Is this going on the blog?" she'll ask, and I just smile. Enjoy these little quotes!